Have you enjoyed this term?
It feels nice to meet here, considering most of the entries in this journal are back-dated. But here we are, in the present. I feel about this journal how I’ve felt about much of this term – frustrated by the lack of effort I’ve put into it but at the same time so detached from it being in a form I don’t like. This is samey, devoid of any of the creativity of my other journals. I get it – I understand why we’re doing it this way, but at the same time it has zapped a lot of the fun out of journalling for me.
This term has been a little like that. Though I’ve enjoyed parts of it – particularly working with Conor – some elements of the term really took away the joy of creating a performance. Not all of it could’ve been helped or controlled, and I am a believer that some things are meant to happen.
But more to the point, I’m glad they did. You learn a lot from making work you don’t really like. It’s actually probably more useful than making work you do like. Yes it lacks a creative enrichment, but it’s not entirely without it. More to the point it’s the other things you gain that make the experience worthwhile; perseverance, working in a team, self-motivation. The list is actually pretty endless.
For me, this term was about finding the joy in things that aren’t for you. And yes, you could argue this isn’t school, and we should be doing things we enjoy. But with something so specific as Performance Art or Design For Stage you’re never going to please everyone. Imagine how boring it’d be if you did. You’ve got to take the rough with the smooth and learn what it’s like to build something beautiful out of something that’s ultimately grey. Building out of hatred is far easier than building out of boredom.
And I think we managed it. I think it collapsed and rose and did all sorts of strange things but I made something I’m proud of, and something that makes me proud of all those people. Fundamentally I’m so happy for all the generous and loving people who have come into my life through this, and for all the people who came before who’s love I have built upon. I wouldn’t want to be in this industry without that, and to me that’s the best thing this term could have ever provided.
Would I make immersive theatre again?
It’s hard to say. It’s not where my interests lie currently. And I wouldn’t have made it the way we did. But I could be persuaded. Never say never and all.