You have to accept the fact that along the way, you will always encounter tasks, or projects, or people, that don’t call to you. And for all you efforts and engagements, there’s no sense of dialogue, no feeling of that thing existing as its own, as something that carries itself forward. I think that’s how I’ve felt, all this term, and I know I’ll continue to feel it, irrespective of what I enjoy and what I don’t enjoy. It just doesn’t speak to me in the way other work I’ve done does.
Today was a turning point. It was when the shit hit the fan, when everyone’s qualms about the immersive came out, and in such a way it was as though it was a torrent, a wave of emotional build up and the dam finally broke. It was rough, but it also opened the gates to something new. An opportunity to voice our concerns, and perhaps present ourselves as an autonomous group, one to be trusted and invested in. In the discussion of this afternoon I felt proud of everyone who stayed for that discussion, for being open and generous and without doubt. I think that’s what we needed, fundamentally.
It saddened me that it cut so deeply, especially as Duska carries all this weight on her own. But it was also good, I hope. It opened doors to honesty that was long overdue.